She Used to be Mine

Few months into my marriage and I had changed overnight cause I did not get the love or respect that I deserved. Till date I haven't understood why my husband pursued me relentlessly till I said yes to his proposal.

If you can't keep a happy and married them to use them and torture them mentally and specifically an innocent person like me who didn't expect anything from a spouse apart from love and protection.

Something died inside me and turned me into a totally different person.

I had already gone through a lot in my life and had felt my husband would make up for all the losses and wrongs done to me but I hadn't known he would be the one to give me the biggest scars in my life which would break my spirit.

From the very beginning I started making all the compromises to keep the family together and I saw no effort or inclination on part of my husband, who refused to change any of his habits and I had to change everything about me.

From a cheerful girl I became sad and lonely and in order to keep peace in the family I started to bottle up my feelings lest I would anger my husband.

I started ignoring the red flags thinking it is part of marriage. My husband did not like me talking to my relatives and I started breaking all ties with everyone as he was very critical of anyone around and would become very sarcastic to my relatives.

I thought it best to keep away from them. I hadn't known it was a deliberate act on part of my husband to isolate me from my relatives so that I would be under his thumb.

I was bruised and felt used by a man who couldn't love anyone apart from himself and this broke my spirit. I learnt to lie and told everyone I was fine when I was bleeding from inside not knowing whom to ask for help but I soon realised that I had turned into a person who wasn't me.

I can best sum up my situation in this beautiful song by Sara Bareilles - She Used to be Mine.

"It's not simple to say

Most days I don't recognize me

These shoes and this apron

That place and its patrons

Have taken more than I gave 'em

It's not easy to know

I'm not anything like I used to be

Although it's true

I was never attention sweet center

I still remember that girl

She's imperfect but she tries

She is good but she lies

She is hard on herself

She is broken and won't ask for help

She is messy but she's kind

She is lonely most of the time

She is all of this mixed up

And baked in a beautiful pie

She is gone but she used to be mine."