In all the 20 years of torture and humiliation that I have faced, I have only been trying to break free from the invisible shackles on my feet. The shackles I was born with, having been born in a patriarchal society where women cannot have a say in anything and in order to survive they need to be married. My worst nightmare began soon after my marriage where the person whom I had trusted the most, decided to break my heart over and over again. Two days into the marriage when my sister-in-law decided to make false allegations against me, my husband refused to stand by my side or to explain my part and stood accusing me of something which I hadn't done. On the third day itself, we had a fight and that was a precursor to what lay ahead for me. My husband instead of pleading my case, decided to stand along with his sisters and accused me. I cried the whole night, but it did not melt my husband's heart. This was his first act of cruelty. The sullen faces of my in-laws as soon as I had entered my matrimonial home, told a different story, who refused to conduct any rituals, saying it was all old-fashioned. But I later realized that when the rituals are not performed it means you are not accepted by your in-laws and you will never be made part of the family. When I pointed this out to my husband he became too toxic and made my life hell. Pretending to be innocent and naive of the whole situation and blaming me for things I hadn't done, just broke my spirit. He became more manipulative but acted self-righteous. This has continued for 2 decades and now his extra marital affair has totally broken me and I have decided that I have had enough and cannot take it anymore because I have realised such people never change they only become worse and I don't want to die of a broken heart, rather wish to live my life, loving myself and not seeking love from anyone else, especially a person incapable of loving anyone else apart from himself. Acknowledging this fact has made me and my resolve stronger.
My situation can be best summarized by the lyrics on the song,‘Break-free’ by Ariana Grande.
“I only want to die alive
Never by the hands of a broken heart
I don't wanna hear you lie tonight
Now that I've become who I really am
This is the part when I say I don't want ya
I'm stronger than I've been before
This is the part when I break free
'Cause I can't resist it no more.”
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