The lack of self-love makes you stick in a loveless marriage, where your partner treats you like crap because you have forgotten your worth, as you keep on seeking validation from them, which a narcissist is incapable of doing. Now I realize it all starts in your childhood and the hurt inner child inside you makes you end up with such a manipulative person who will never love you. They will knock you down, till you can never get up. I feel this is done deliberately because these people can see the spark in you and your capacity to achieve something in life, but somehow their own lack of self-love makes them misogynistic and they will go to all lengths to kill your soul, especially the spark inside you that keeps you alive. My husband lost no opportunity to put me down and being in this codependent relationship I, allowed him to use me like a little trash can, where I permitted him to hurt me so that he should not be hurt. Being an empath I felt, I should take the responsibility to build my husband up which now I feel was my biggest mistake. Now after having left him, I have decided to pick up the pieces of my life so that I can start afresh but sometimes the doubt creeps in, whether I can make it on my own or should I crawl back to my husband but his threats keep ringing in my ears that he will destroy me and to save my daughters from this toxic person, I push myself harder and I reprimand myself for having ever thought this. Now the spark inside me is ignited and I have finally decided to live life on my terms as I have realized my worth.
My situation can be best summarized by the lyrics of Katy Perry’s song “Firework”.
“Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards, one blow from cavin' in?
Do you ever feel already buried deep?
Six feet under screams, but no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you?
'Cause there's a spark in you
You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July
'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky”
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