Lose You To Love Me

An important lesson I have learned during this whole episode is the lack of self love in me led me to be attached to a narcissist.

I started to put him first in all things that I lost my identity and became ready to accept breadcrumbs thrown my way not realizing that I was being sucked in this quagmire from where there was no return.

Little by little everyday, I allowed myself to be demeaned, for my husband knew that, to break my spirit, it was the easiest way to start putting me down, hit my confidence level and it reached a point that I lost all my confidence and was ready to be at the beck and call of my husband, whether he treated me right or wrong.

The fear of treading on his shoes , led me to remain quiet and I continued to suffer in silence, not realizing that this act of mine was emboldening my husband everyday.

Now I realize that lack of self love did not make me realize my power and now I have decided to leave him because it is very important to love myself.

If I forgive him again which I have done a million times thinking he will change this way was wrong.

The 1st act of cruelty should have cautioned me and I should have left that very instance.

My situation can be summed up in Selena Gomez's song 'Lose You to Love Me'.

"You promised the world and I fell for it

I put you first and you adored it

Set fires to my forest

And you let it burn

Sang off-key in my chorus

'Cause it wasn't yours

I saw the signs and I ignored it

Rose-colored glasses all distorted

Set fire to my purpose

And I let it burn

You got off on the hurtin'

I needed to lose you to love me."