Hi friends, I am writing after a very long time. Sorry to all those of you, who were worried or anxious about my well being. As I had decided to walk out of a two decade old marriage, many times wanting to give up. The fears crept up on me, not knowing how I would pull through. Not being financially independent, with two teenage daughters, I didn't know how I would fare. At my age, who would give me a job , as I had no experience.
I had been financially dependent on a husband who breadcrumbed me.a thousand questions kept cropping up in my head , whether i was making a wise decision of walking out or was it a big mistake. For the world , I kept a braveface , but deep inside, my thoughts took the better of me. There was a continuous battle raging in my head, 24×7, so many times I wanted to give up, ready to bow down to the dictates of a toxic man. The thought that my daughters might not walk into the same kind of toxic relationships later in their lives, made me finally decide it was best to walk out. So what i might not have the so called false sense of security, at least we would be safe not having to tolerate anymore of the narcissistic behaviour and my gut feeling told me it was now or never or else it would be to
o late, as i knew my husband would have gotten worse after gloating in his victory of having subdued me.
My struggle with my thoughts are best summarised by the lyrics of “Best Days'' by Alessia Cara.
“What if my best days are the days I've left behind?
And what if the rest stays the same for all my life?
I'm running with my eyes closed, so it goes
You live and then you die
But the hardest pill to swallow is the meantime
Are the best days just the ones that we survive?”
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